Did you hear about the guy who fell into a lens grinder? - It was quite a spectacle. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? - To get to the bottom. What do you call a cow with a twitch? - Beef Jerky Why couldn't the gnome pay his rent? - He was a little short. Why is math in the jungle dangerous? - If you add four and four you get eight. What is the most important Science Experiment Rule? - Never Lick the Spoon. Why did the kid leave his piggy bank outside? - He was expecting change in the weather. Why did the belt get arrested? - It held up a pair of pants. Why were the batteries sad? - They were never included. Why did the spinach turn red? - It saw the salad dressing. Did you hear about the guy who drank food coloring? - He dyed inside. Why was the sand wet? - The Sea Weed If there is too much salt in your food, are you assaulted? Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a no-bell prize. The wig thief struck again last night. The police are combing the area. Just went to an emotional wedding... even the cake was in tiers. Taller people always sleep longer. Dry Erase boards are remarkable. Why were the Cheerios scared of the man? - He was a cereal killer. Did you hear about the anti-gravity book? - I couldn't put it down. I know a guy who is addicted to brake fluid. - He says he can stop anytime. Studies show that cows produce more milk when there owners talk to them... it is a case of in one ear and out the udder. The man who made auto-correct has died. Restaurant in Peace. I saw a movie about how ships are put together. - It was riveting. Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here." I used to be addicted to not showering. Luckily, I have been clean for five years. I got my friend a fridge for his B-day. His face lit up when he opened it. My grandfather died peacefully in his sleep, unlike the screaming passengers in his car. Everything in the vacuum store sucks. A golf ball is a golf ball no matter how you putt it. My friend told me that onions are the only food that make you cry, so I threw a cantaloupe at him. Did you hear about the hospitalized painter? - It was due to too many strokes. What do you call a group of berries playing instruments? - A Jam Session Why is dark spelled with a "K" and not a "C"? - You cannot see in the dark. Why did the bullet lose its job? - It got fired. Never talk to pi. He’ll go on forever. If you are American out of the bathroom, what are you in the bathroom? - European Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? - He pasta-way What is the difference between a rabbit and a plum? - They are both purple, except for the rabbit. What is red and bad for your teeth? - A brick. Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks. What is the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? - Oops!
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